The Three Gates to the Soul: How Core Beliefs Impact Health and Authentic Living
“Once someone believes they are unwanted they will constantly scan the world around them for confirmation that they indeed are not wanted.”
Jade Holliday
Senior Contributor - Economics, Belief, and Culture
At the Fresh Coast Institute, we believe that true health goes beyond physical well-being and behavior. It’s rooted in how we think and, more importantly, what we believe to be true about ourselves. Core beliefs drive our actions, choices, and even our health. These beliefs often determine whether we feel empowered to live authentically or whether we remain stuck in patterns that limit our joy and prosperity.
We call these core beliefs the “Three Gates to the Soul,” and they shape our sense of self-worth, belonging, and authenticity. Whether you believe you are wanted, good, or that your true self matters can have a profound impact on your mental and physical health.
Let’s explore these three gates, how they can affect your life when they're “switched off” and what it really takes to switch them back on.
The Three Gates to the Soul
1. The Belief That I Am (or Am Not) Wanted
This first gate is all about belonging. When we believe we are wanted, we feel connected to others, valued in relationships, and confident that we have a place in the world. Feeling wanted means we give more hugs, we are included more, and we validate and are validated by others. However, if we believe we are unwanted, we can isolate ourselves, fall into feelings of rejection, and internalize a sense of unworthiness. This paints the world with gray, kind of like the scenes from Twilight when Bella is watching the seasons go by while she sits depressed and alone.
Real World Example:
Imagine someone who grew up feeling like they were never truly wanted by their family. Maybe when they voiced feelings or concerns they were dismissed or told to “man up,” or they were constantly compared to a “golden child” sibling. As an adult, this belief may carry over into relationships, making them hesitant to open up or trust others fully. This can emerge as avoidant behaviors, where traumatized adults flee stressful situations with their loved ones. Conversely, they might throw a fit at the slightest disagreement. They might even sabotage close connections with hurtful words or harmful actions because deep down, they don’t believe they deserve to be loved or accepted. Once someone believes they are unwanted they will constantly scan the world around them for confirmation that they indeed are not wanted.
Impact on Health:
This belief can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and loneliness, all of which can contribute to physical health issues like heart disease, weakened immunity, and even cancer. A lack of belonging is also linked to depression, which further affects overall well-being and causes the cycle to persist.
What It Takes to Change:
Breaking free from this belief doesn’t happen overnight. It requires years of repetition and patience to reinforce the idea that you are, in fact, wanted. Daily affirmations, surrounding yourself with supportive people (and even limiting or going “no contact” with hurtful people), and taking steps to engage in meaningful relationships are key. Each time you make decisions that affirm you are wanted—such as reaching out to people who respect your boundaries or saying yes to invitations from people who have reliably supported you—you gradually chip away at the old belief. For some people this external validation can’t happen because they simply don’t have friends. And this may make you a bit flustered to hear, but having friends isn’t the most important way to get that validation. You have to want yourself before you can engage with others and expect the same. You have to want yourself enough to walk away once you learn that others won’t reciprocate your level of intention and care.
2. The Belief That I Am (or Am Not) Good
The second gate touches on self-worth and the idea of being inherently “good.” When you believe you are good, you operate from a place of confidence, knowing that your actions and existence are valuable. On the flip side, believing that you are not good (or a mistake for those of you who were unplanned or unwanted children) can lead to self-doubt, guilt, and an endless cycle of trying to prove your worth.
Real World Example:
Take someone who was constantly criticized by a parent growing up, never feeling like they could measure up. Their parent(s) lived vicariously through their child– wanting to right the wrongs of their own childhood by forcing their own child to fit the rewrite of the parent’s own story. A mother who wasn’t allowed to do ballet might force her daughter to compete in dance, even at their own emotional expense. A father might lash out physically when his son can’t perform in class the way that his dad wished he had. Children in situations like this often grow into adults who are overly self-critical, never satisfied with their own accomplishments, and prone to burnout from trying to be “good enough.” If they ever do break away from their parents’ predestined path for them, they are often cast out and cut off from the family.
Impact on Health:
The belief that you are not good can lead to high levels of stress, anxiety, and even physical symptoms like tension headaches, digestive issues (e.g. IBS, ulcers), or chronic fatigue. It’s also linked to perfectionism, which can make people more susceptible to mental health struggles like depression or anxiety disorders–always trying to hit the ever-moving and unsatisfiable target of “perfect.”
What It Takes to Change:
Transforming this belief requires consistent self-affirmation. You must start by acknowledging your inherent worth, regardless of external validation. Affirmations like "I am enough" or "I am deserving of good things" can slowly replace the old belief, but it takes patience. Over time, making decisions that align with self-compassion—like taking breaks (from hustle culture and corporate burnout), setting boundaries (especially with those closest to you), or acknowledging your achievements—helps you internalize that you are good.
3. The Belief That the Authentic Me Matters (or Doesn’t Matter)
The third gate deals with authenticity—the belief that who you truly are has value. When you believe that the authentic you matters, you live more freely, express yourself honestly, and pursue your passions. However, if you believe that your authentic self doesn’t matter, you might hide who you really are (e.g. masking in those with autism; code-switching in white-majority spaces), suppress your true desires, and conform to what others expect of you.
Real World Example:
Consider someone who’s always felt the need to conform to societal expectations—choosing a career they didn’t love, hiding parts of their identity, or constantly seeking approval. Over time, this person might feel lost or disconnected from themselves, unsure of what truly brings them joy.
Impact on Health:
Living inauthentically can lead to chronic stress and dissatisfaction, manifesting in health issues like sleep disturbances, high blood pressure, and digestive problems. It can also lead to emotional exhaustion, which erodes mental health over time.
What It Takes to Change:
Shifting this belief takes intentional effort to validate your authentic self daily. Start by acknowledging and expressing what you truly feel, think, and want. Affirmations like "Who I am matters" can help reinforce the belief. Over time, making decisions that align with your true desires—whether that means pursuing a passion or simply being honest with yourself—validates that your authentic self is worthy.
Changing Beliefs Takes Time
Changing these core beliefs requires patience, repetition, and a deep commitment to self-compassion. Often, these beliefs have been ingrained in us for years, if not decades, making them hard to shift. Here’s what it really takes to create lasting change:
Repetition: You must consistently reinforce new, positive beliefs. This can be done through daily affirmations, journaling, and surrounding yourself with positive reinforcement
Patience: Changing core beliefs isn’t a quick fix. It can take years of gently, but persistently, countering the negative belief with affirmations and actions that validate the new belief.
Making New Decisions: Every time you make a decision that supports your new belief—whether it’s choosing to trust someone, celebrating your achievements, or pursuing what truly matters to you—you are self-validating that new belief. Over time, these decisions become a reinforcing loop, helping you live more authentically.
Affirmation: Actively reminding yourself of your worth and the value of your authentic self helps combat the old, limiting beliefs. Surround yourself with people and environments that affirm your new beliefs as well, even if there is a short-term cost to leaving toxic people or environments. That cost is more than worth it to wake up every morning and truly feel joy with yourself.
The Three Gates to the Soul provide a powerful framework for understanding how our beliefs about being wanted, good, and worthy of authenticity shape our health and well-being. By acknowledging and actively working to change negative beliefs, we open the door to living a healthier, more joyful, and prosperous life—one decision, action, affirmation, and belief at a time.
At Fresh Coast Institute, we’re committed to helping you navigate these gates and embrace your most authentic self. It’s not just about changing behaviors, but about transforming the deep-seated beliefs that drive those behaviors. After all, true change starts from within.